Tuesday, June 19, 2007

I'm taking control

I’ve really been weird these past few weeks. I feel pissy, moody, angry at everything and everybody and it stops today.

I’m re-evaluating everything. I’m tired of constantly questioning…..why is this happening, why isn’t IT happening, should I look for a different job, can I afford to start my own business, what business do I want to start, am I healthy, how could I’ve let myself get to a size 10? I’m done, really, I am. I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself. Tired of not letting people get too close and pushing them away before they do. Tired of my eating habits. Why can’t I just eat 1 or 2 mini Twix bars, why do you feel the need to eat 10! Tired of questioning my scrapping abilities. So what if you’re not on a design team, or pubbed….why should it matter?

It all stops today. I’ve let it get out of hand. Too many naps, too many unreturned phone calls, too many late bills, too many repairs that have gone un-noticed. I’m taking control, right here, right now.

Starting with:

*Eat healthy. Yes, enjoy that piece of candy, just not 10 of them. Control you intake, seriously.
*Exercise. You don’t need to run a marathon. Just do SOMETHING. Hike, walk, play- wish I lived near Kal so I could join her on her morning walks with Crash.
*Journaling. I use to LOVE to journal. My last journal was from 2006. I don’t care if it’s one word written, just do it.
*Love. Quit pushing people away. Return their phone calls and text messages so they don’t think you’re pissed at them. I know I’m afraid of rejection and getting hurt. I know this is from my mom leaving and not wanting to get hurt but it’s not an excuse.
*Realize. No job is perfect. Cool down and realize that it’s a job, not life. You have options. Also know that it takes time. My parents worked hard and did jobs that didn’t like through their 30’s and 40’s. Now they have their own business and are doing well.
*Hope. Keep your hopes high and don’t turn on your faith just because you’re having fertility issues. God has a plan, I’ve always known this and will continue to believe in him.

I already feel better, and stronger after putting this down.
I will also order this because just looking at it makes me happy.
And I'm watching my neice after work and seeing her always makes me happy.


jill said...

thank you. thank you for sharing...seriously. i always feel the need to keep it all together...and like my blog should be this happy place for people to come and read. and it is that. but it's also my life journal. it took a lot of guts for me to admit what was going on in my life last week.

anyhow. i hope you feel better soon. sorry for this novel of a comment!


jill said...

and i know EXACTLY what you mean about the twix! :)

Tiffany said...

Awww Tina...good for you!!!! This is the first step! I have had a grouchy bear attitude for the past year and my husband is fed up with it. You have encouraged me to change!!!! Blessings girly. I will pray for you! (like really pray...not the passerby "hey I'll pray for you" kind of prayer LOL!)

Shayla said...

this i liked.

we have more in common than you even know.

Shayla said...

no i didn't see it on hbo, cause we have no cable!!
and i don't think we get hbo in canada??
we cancelled our cable because i will be off for the summer (i work in a school) so i knew that if we didn't i would probably just watch tv until 4 in the afternoon and do nothing else!!
that's why i think it would be cool to walk with kal in the mornings, a good reason to get up and go!
but i might just go and do it myself with stella and miller (my pooches). i need motivation not to sleep in everyday!! although SOME days will be ok!!
back to fotc, they are awesome! they make me laugh, and my husband chris thinks "it's business time" is SO TRUE! especially the part about the recycling!!
hope you are having a great night!
and happy summer solstice on thursday!

Kal said...

Hey Tina - sound like you're kicking your own ass - so no need to leave you anything but a triple arm pump. Do it. Walk. Play. Smile. Pretty soon you'll forget the lows.

Keep on making stuff.

Holly said...

I'm sorry you're having such a down time lately. I just wish I was up there so that we could hang out. Oh, well...only about 4 more months! Keep on truckin' girl, it'll get better. Luvs you!